I'm Drowning!!!

Sometimes life just seems like a really deep pool. Some days I am swimming along perfectly...working on my butterfly. Other days I feel like I am drowning, because I have forgotten how to swim. Why can't I just practice my form everyday? Why can't I do things right; why do I forget how to swim? Or maybe it is because I never knew how to do it in the first place.

I always thought that I was a good listener. I mean sometimes I have my days when I fall asleep in class, but that is not what I am refering too. I am refering to my spirtual discipline, called listening to God. I listen to what others have to say, I listen to what my mom and dad say, I listen to what my roommates say, I listen to what my sisters say. I even listen to myself. I hear the words just fine. Why is it that I feel like I never hear what God is telling me? Am I just not listening correctly? I feel as if I don't know what I am doing. Am I just being selfish? Do I really only listen to myself and what I want for myself? Or do I drown out God when he talks to me? I am sinking...sinking fast. God is my life preserver, I know this. But why can't I hear him tell me to grab on and He will pull me out of the water? Am I that far under that the pressure of the water just drowns him out?

HUGS.....BIG HUGS!!