Today.....

I had accountability time with one of my many accountability partners and she asked me what I was working on. That is with myself and God. And I said patience and understanding. And she being the smart girl I know, told me I will never have understanding, but I will be able to have peace.

Then the great part of that was that we both busted out singing, while we were walking on campus:
the peace that passeth understanding
down in my heart (where?)
down in my heart (where?)
down in my heart to stay

And I'm so happy, so very happy that I have the love of Jesus in my heart(down in my heart)


It was just amazing

So I realized this and now pray for peace and contentment. Not understanding.

I.......

just have no idea what I am doing....what I am saying.....what is happening........or what is driving me

So...I was reading the Bible today......

Peace and Joy
Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into his grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverence; perseverence, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

These verses just brought a smile to my face. Because I know that my God is here for me, through anything!!

HARD CORE!!!

THIS SUCKS!!

FUNNY STUFF!!

So...I am definitely going back to Nebraska in five days. And can't wait to see people!!!! Granted I don't really know if I can afford the gas..that is since my sister is failing to give me any money from the $50 I spent on gas last week. ERR! I even bought her lunch.

ALSO:

YAY GOD!
So last night was amazing. It was probably the most amazing night ever. I will start you off with a good intro. I went to Topeka and helped pick out a car for my aunt. A pontiac Torrent. Pretty cool vehicle if I say so myself. In the color of Crystal Lake. BEAUTIFUL!.

Then my parents and I went to eat at IHOP. Yesssss. And we all had those cinnamon roll type french toast, and they were amazing. I ate everything on my plate. YES I am a pig and need to stop doing that. I have to at least look decent for my friends wedding this summer.

Then we went to SAM's and headed over to my sister and her husbands house. They are going to have a baby on May 19. And I got to feel little Emma Grace kick. AWESOME, I might add. It wasn't a huge kick but I could feel it.

Then I drove home. I pulled into our drive way and just looked up to the sky. The stars were all our last night. It was amazing. I just stood outside for a few minutes and thanked God for the stars that he created and named. It is just crazy to think that he knows them all by name. But I have no doubt that he doesn't. God is SIMPLY AMAZING!!

The moral of the story: next time you are out in the country on a super clear night, go outside and look at the stars and thank God for all of His works. Stand in awe of him, because he SOOOO deserves it!

Memory

I have come to the conclusion that I wish I either had a memory or didn't. Not some of both. I mean, I wish that I could remember things like school work and such. But then again there are some things in life I just wish I could forget.

It just sucks having some of both. things just never seem right. but then again God gave me the ability to remember for a reason.

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

Today, my grandpa would be 89 years old. Crazy huh? I can't even imagine. But instead of an amazing party with his family here on earth..he gets the best birthday party with JESUS!!!

Phones

Why is it that some people in this world own phones? Some just don't answer, don't call back or just don't have them on.

hmmm. I always wondered why these type of people have phones. Does anyone know the answer?

SNOW!!!

So I am staying an extra day. Snow is great. I love it!! Granted I didn't bring a coat to play in it, but still, I will find a way.

so this wasn't working right

yep i posted it three times..not on purpose. but on accident. so have a great day.

I'm Here!

So, I got to Nebraska last night. Unfortunately, I forgor my church clothes, my coat, and my cell phone. Oh well, I will live!

I'm Here!!

So I got to Nebraska last night. Unfortunately I forgot my church clothes, my coat, and my cell phone. ERRR!! oh well.

5 HOURS!!!

only five more hours till I leave for Nebraska!!

Colon Cancer Awareness Month

so I finally realized why there had been so much talk about colon cancer this month. It is colon cancer awareness month. Imagine that!

Nebraska here I come!!!

So I am super excited about this weekend. And just the fact that I am soon to be on spring break. I officially start spring break when I get off work at 1:45 pm Thursday!

YAY!!!!!!

Time to Think

I have had time to think about life. And I realized that I don't thank God for everything he does provide for me. I only notice what I don't see that he has provided. Even though, maybe he just hasn't provided it yet. Who really knows. God works in mysterious ways.

I have been reading a book titled, "Ordering Your Private World". It is very good. I would suggest it to anyone. It is rather old, but it still has lots of good insights. There was a really intriguing part in the book. It was really eye opening. I realized that I don't thank God enough. Especially for those little things that we all take for granted.

A man was quoted in the book. He writes:

"I turn my little omelette in the pan for the love of God. When it is finished, if I have nothing to do, I prostrate myself on the ground and worship my God, who gave me this grace to make it, after which I arise happier than a king. When I can do nothing else , it is enough to have picked up a straw for the love of God. People look for ways of learning how to love God. They hope to attain it by I know not how many different practices. They take much trouble to abide in His presence by varied means. Is it not a shorter and more direct way to do everything for the love of God, to make use of all the tasks one's lot in life demands to show him that love, and to maintain his presence within by the communion of our heart with his? There is nothing comlicated about it. One has only to turn to it honestly and simply."

God is in control

i'm done

State of Confusion

why am i confused? that i know. how do i become unconfused? that i don't know. do i really want to be unconfused? i am not sure. therefore, i am confused about being confused. how is it that a person comes to that conclusion? another good question.

i have been questioning myself a lot lately. about what i am supposed to do, what i am supposed to think, and what i am supposed to pray about. but does my questioning really get me anywhere? i am really starting to wonder...therefore questioning myself about questioning.

wow! if that isn't a vicious cycle, i don't know what is.

I'm Drowning!!!

Sometimes life just seems like a really deep pool. Some days I am swimming along perfectly...working on my butterfly. Other days I feel like I am drowning, because I have forgotten how to swim. Why can't I just practice my form everyday? Why can't I do things right; why do I forget how to swim? Or maybe it is because I never knew how to do it in the first place.

I always thought that I was a good listener. I mean sometimes I have my days when I fall asleep in class, but that is not what I am refering too. I am refering to my spirtual discipline, called listening to God. I listen to what others have to say, I listen to what my mom and dad say, I listen to what my roommates say, I listen to what my sisters say. I even listen to myself. I hear the words just fine. Why is it that I feel like I never hear what God is telling me? Am I just not listening correctly? I feel as if I don't know what I am doing. Am I just being selfish? Do I really only listen to myself and what I want for myself? Or do I drown out God when he talks to me? I am sinking...sinking fast. God is my life preserver, I know this. But why can't I hear him tell me to grab on and He will pull me out of the water? Am I that far under that the pressure of the water just drowns him out?

HUGS.....BIG HUGS!!

What could be more fun?

Veronica and I looking pretty for church

playing teeter totter
posing with the hay
before we went skating....

at the roller skating rinkyep that is me...striking a pose, without falling
posing with the jackets

Amazing Weekend

My weekend started out a little sketchy. I again didn't have classes on Friday which is great. But then again I got bored and decided to take down the Christmas decorations in our apartment. Let me just say....bad idea. My roommate Larissa was horrified when she came home to our living room being without a tree. I honestly thought that someone would notice the fact that I cleaned the rest of the apartment, but no. All I get are some mean remarks about being hated and such. Of course they didn't really mean those remarks, but still, the Christmas stuff needed to go. It is, in fact March 5th 2006. But then I had accountability time and that was good. I even got to sample Expresso Ectasy ice cream and a piece of homemade oatmeal bread. Yes, my favorites. The rest of Friday is kind of a blur. I went to walmart, but that is all I remember.

Saturday morning I got up at 715 so I would be ready to leave for work at 8 am. I went to work to perform my amazing supervising skills. Then luck would have it my co-worker Roschana came in too so I got to leave at 915 so my roommates and I could leave early for roommate weekend. We have these like once a month.

This weekend I was especially looking foward to. The reason for this was the fact that we were going to go rollerskating. And not only rollerskating but we were going to go roller skating in spandex, short shorts with one side bunched with a scrunchy and a bright colored top with some amazing yellow and pink jackets. But to top it off we wore some amazing earrings, sun glasses and had beautiful makeup and side ponytails. Trust me, it was the most amazing time ever spent on a rollerskating rink...well it matches my experience from this past summer. Then we went to watch a substate basketball game that my roommate little brother was playing in. Thet lost, which is sad cause it was the championship game. The we got back home around 1230 am. and when i say home i mean my roommate larissa's parents home. We went to bed and got some sleep. then today came and we went to church and had a yummy lunch and played a fun game called PIT..it is a stock market game.

then we got back to our apartment and I watched the Acadamy Awards.

Now it is time to talk to God!!

God is good all the time, all the time God is good!!!

What I am looking foward to:

present time:
*starting/finishing my online test
*eating pop tarts
*reading an amazing book called Ordering Your Private World by Gordan MacDonald
*not having cramps
*being satisfied and content with my life right now
*being in love with God and pursuing him with all my heart, my soul, my mind and my strength
*understanding myself and the people around me
*getting the opportunity to go on another, yet exciting, roommate weekend. yay for rollerskating and family..even if it isn't mine.

future:
*the summer
*a new job
*moving into a new house with 8 other girls
*the new school year
*graduating from college...sometime...hopefully by dec of 2007
*getting a job/career
*having an amazing guy find me
*finding out that he has fully pursued God
*marrying him
*having kids..granted if giving birth is any worse than my cramps I very well might die
*seeing them grow up with the desire to know God and pursue him with all they have
*being extremely happy!!!!

Rollerskating...doughnuts...puppies...

what do all these things have in common??
take a guess please. HUMOR ME!!

Failure

I think that I am failing at being an accountability partner. I can never stop bad things from happening. Is that really my fault though? Maybe not, but I still should be keeping up right?